The Quiet Writer
I’m having one of those off weeks where nothing gels. It isn’t simply that everything is a struggle, but that I find myself wondering if the struggle is worth it. Bottom line, I’m burnt out and need a day off.
Looking around the web at blogs I read and friends on Facebook, I see that feeling stretched too thin and doubts are fairly common this week. What, are we all having a bad karma run? I guess it is a good thing that I can at least find the prevalence of problems a little amusing. It is a sign I’ll most likely I’ll recover from my case of being down in the dumps.
I’ve always firmly believed that life runs in cycles: it isn’t linear. There are ups and downs. When life sends you on a downward slope, sometimes it is best to just lie down, take a break, and then tackle the climb up in the morning. But when nothing seems to be going right, it does make me wonder why I keep trying.
I want to be a full time writer because I love writing. I love it more than my current job. It is my passion. Truly, I could live only in the stories in my head if it wasn’t for my body reminding me it needs to be fed! There is never enough time in the day to dream.
But being a successful author is an entirely different beast. It means a lot about figuring out how to tell people about yourself and your work. It is shouting from hill tops, in a nice way so as not to piss anyone off. It is constant work, every act a potential way of gathering attention. It is exhausting.
Especially for me.
See, I’ve never wanted to draw attention to myself. I was the quiet child drawing in the corner. Now, I do think all writers, or at least most, are probably quiet people. Writing is a solitary act. It attracts people who can handle days of living with the struggle of ideas being translated into words. But some people seem to be able to take to the promotion side like salmon to the sea. They grow and evolve.
There are occasional days I think I’m getting the hang of it, but mostly it is just a huge learning curve that goes so deeply against my quiet grain that I wonder if I can transform myself into this confident and expressive person. Or if I should? Is there a way I can be my quiet self and still become a modestly successful author? Passion, like my desire to write, can change a person but I’m not sure it can turn an introvert into a super star! 🙂
Well, today is not the day to decide on such things. I’m curling up next to the fire with some tea. A day off, a day to lay down and gather some reserves. (okay, most likely I’ll write a little!) Tomorrow, I have to climb out of this hole.
– Weifarer (a.k.a. The Hermit in the Woods)